a better version of me.
like every year .. like life in general, it's been up and down. more up the majority of the year than down, although the last few months have hit hard. i'd like to say i changed things this year, but i really haven't.
25 hit hard. a few things were realized in the brain, i just haven't applied them yet - story of my life, eh?
between the therapist, my birthday, getting off all the meds, and jess .. *smirks* we may just be getting somewhere.
this new year begins a new me. my favorite, "i don't know" is going out the window.
i will know. whether it be by trial and error, i will find out.
monday starts no smoking during the week.
ahah. it will be difficult, but what isn't?
i can clean when i get antsy. i like seeing the house the way it is.
i've got to truly settle down and create a budget that i can follow.
i can not wait until taxes so i can start on a clean slate.
there's so many worries right now, but i'm trying my best to stay positive.
as many brilliant people have pointed out, looking at the bad isn't going to change anything.
know it's there, but move on and do what you can to resolve it.
i plan on eating healthy. i don't want any more of these chemicals put into my body from the shitty processed food i ingest.
my mother started us out with a gift card to daves. it was nice to cook in the house again, i missed it.
christmas was beautiful. yes world, listen to jennifer speak it, christmas was beautiful.
good food, good people, good music, good times.
i was spoiled more than i've ever been spoiled in my entire life.
and i thank everyone for being a part of it.
i've been living to survive for the last 25 years. now it's time to live for myself.
... i'm anxious. nervous. scared. excited. i have the butterflies in my stomach.
i want to radiate happiness. i want my soul to smile from the inside.
i want to look good on the outside while doing this. i want to take care of myself and my surroundings.
and i smile thinking all this.
jessica i need you to beat my ass on this. because i don't know how .. i may faulter. kick my ass back up in the saddle.
please. i'm begging you now, for my sake. i need to change.
